First Date Etiquette (for ladies)

Simple First Date Etiquette For Confidence!

Guide to being a gracious date

 Simplicity rules 

All you have to do is show up, relax and pretend you’re an movie star. That I mean by being sweet and light, not being a diva.

A movie star never bad mouths anybody (at least not in public) and always smile graciously even if asked a rather insensitive question.

The good ones have always got a grateful attitude and usually they answer questions, and not direct or take over the dinner conversation.

They always show up to premieres looking impeccable. They are never in a hurry. The ones we love are always humble and appreciative of the attention.

Confident Woman

confident date

Be confident woman on a date. 

Laugh at his jokes, but don’t try too hard. 

Smile a lot.

Don’t talk too much. 

And never offer too much information, for e.g. what you are doing tomorrow. Its really alright to let him wonder. That also means you shouldn’t feel obligated to fill up the silence in the conversation. (In general, let him do all the work.)

Don’t feel you have to be entertaining or have interesting conversation all the time. He may end up thinking you are trying too hard. 

Remember the episode when Carrie dragged Miranda on her first date with Aidan again when they broke up? She was so nervous and she kept talking and talking and talking…You could almost see pity in Aidan’s eyes for her.

Your date should also not last more than 5-6 hours. Try ending the date first

Say you are having a good time (even if you are not.) Sometimes he is so nervous and saying that would calm his nerves!

Staring at men is a dead give away of interest! I’d rather him be more interested in you than you in him, at least initially.

Tips For Super Confidence

We all have nerves. That also includes when we are meeting or dining with someone important, someone whom we are intimidated by, or just an old thorn-in-your-flesh coming back to haunt you.

If you are nervous, may I suggest smiling at the room or the sky in general, commenting on beautiful scenery and you will soon look relaxed and approachable. 

What Men Respond To

Men respond to eye contact. Females respond to touch.

As we all know, men are more visual creatures. Women are more sensitive to little hugs, squeezes, hand on shoulders, holding hands etc.

To protect yourself from falling hopelessly in life, i.e. to have some control over yourself, 

Recommended Book 

Ellen Fein writes…

 “Avoid staring romantically into his eyes on the first date. It’s best to seem generally interested in life, in others, in surroundings, in paintings, in the food, as opposed to this live prey.”

Let Him Work But Don’t Ask For Pity  

Ask for pity and you’ll not get it.

Early dating is not the time to tell him about your job problems, landlord problems, crisis es.

Don’t meet him halfway or go Dutch on the first couple of dates. Men loves challenges – that’s why they play sports, fight wars and raid co-operations.) 

If you are worried about his tight budget, offer to go on inexpensive dates for example, saying you are interested to go to the museum (usually free), or have dinner at an inexpensive restaurant because you love the “mushroom soup” there.

Remember he is deriving great pleasure from taking you out, why deprive him of the joy of feeling chivalrous? 

The best way you can replay him is by being appreciative. Say thank you and please.

Never Be Critical. Period  

Don’t EVER criticize. Not his tie (even if it is a joke), the place, the food, the service even if they are awful. Be positive. Look for the good in everything. 

Once I went a date with a guy who knocked a teapot into my lap and not only made my skirt wet but scalded me. I kept calm and simply excused myself to go to the bathroom while the waiter cleared the mess. I later emerged almost as if nothing happened and smiled. 

He apologized profusely of course but I simply said lightly, ‘Oh it was an accident. I’m alright’ and swiftly changed the subject in order to keep him from feeling remorseful. He was so appreciative and asked me out again. I never mentioned it again or made jokes about his clumsiness. It is kind not to do so.

Many things can go wrong on a date, and usually because he is so nervious eager to impress you that he ends up losing his car keys, wallet, phone, knocks the wine glass over etc. 

In one SATC episode when Carrie was about to go on a first date with Burger, she also went out with another guy she was not interested in to ease her nerves. The other guy ended up knocking his own table over all because of nerves, even though Carrie did her best to not make him nervous. 

I’m sure it has happened before. If this has happened to you, and you see past his nerves, try going on a couple more dates with him and he’ll ease right into it. 

Let Him Call You

Don’t call him. 

If you do, let it be a few days after the first date. Call only if you have to and make it brief. Sound friendly and light while you are at it.

If you are very prompt about returning his text messages and calls, you are pursuing him. Remember, guys want to be the one to pursue. They need to feel victorious in winning you. 

Another reason not to call men is so that you don’t catch them in the middle of something, sleeping, watching a football game, paying bills, entertaining a friend. 

When you call, it is interrupting what he is doing, his focused brain (men can usually prefer to do one thing at a time, opposite to women’s multi-tasking nature), he will sound distant, and you will misinterpret that disinterest. 

We all do!

This is what usually happens after

We’ll then let our dramatic minds go into overdrive and we can’t rest until he calls back with his interested tone of voice again.

Sometimes your nervousness and impatience get the better of you and we’ll never stop asking “Is everything okay?” further frustrating him.

At the end, we’ll simply appear as needy and clingy and guys seem to run away from that.

In fact, just over the weekend, one of my male friends told me he broke up with his girlfriend because she was too needy. I’ve heard the story over and over again. 

Refrain from asking this too often. Respect his boundaries.


So if you don’t want a man to know how much you like him, don’t call! This self-discipline will help you not get too hung up over him and behave naturally when around him.

Not calling will leave him desiring you more, make him want to see you and call you again. 

It also prevents him from getting to know all about you much too quickly and getting bored.

Besides, when you call only once in a while, it becomes special.

Originally Published with photos:

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Copyright by Valenti Matchmaking. All rights reserved.

Copyright 2019 by Valenti Matchmaking. All rights reserved.